Blades of the Universes
by The Final Lament
Summary: Xover for HAMFisted and ShadowOfTheNightWorld. Shadow is taking some downtime in a bar when he comes across something unbelievable. Scrooge is adventuring through Gielinor when something reasonably normal happens to him. WARNING: Major Spoilers for fics
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Had no response to whether or not this is a good idea but I'm doing it anyway. Go me! um... anyway... crossover between HAMFisted and Shadow of the Night World. Major spoilers about _possible_ endings etc. done mostly for humour's sake. No doubt as I write this jokes everywhere are pleading for mercy. Also planning more crossovers because Shadow is simply too good to waste.

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Shadow had spent a reasonable portion of his life in Night World bars, hide in plain sight very much a motto in his early career. He knew what to expect and it wasn't the entire bar watching and listening to some nutcase in an assortment of blue and red platemail and carrying a whip.

"So there I was. In this guy's nightmare having to fight his fears. Seriously. Got to be the dumbest job I ever accepted. 'twas a good fight though, I'll give him that, and no wonder, the guy was bloody terrified of 'is own bloody shadow. Still beat 'em in the end an' all that." The guy paused to finish the beer he'd been holding before putting it on the bar. There were a lot of glasses. "Zamorak above I love this place. Drink myself to death and just wake up right next to where I died. Now that's a plan I tell ya."

Clearly the man was insane.

"Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, so I went with 'im back to the Oneiromancer, that's a dream magician or something if I didn't already say. Anyway she taught me some new spells which I know seems a bit cheap but new spells is tough ta find where I come from. Not even two 'undred us adventurers can do. Still they're good spells. Keep ya 'live in a fix."

Now that the speaker had paused again Shadow noticed he wasn't alone, a small pale creature with the largest eyes he'd ever seen was watching the speaker with a mixture of what he'd guess was amusement and despair. Then again he wasn't alone either, Holly was also watching the lunatic with great interest.

"Course them Lunar spells ain't much good fur fightin'" Another pint was partially emptied, which was worrying as the loony had ordered a vodka. "Now Ancient's now thats another story. Shame it aligns wiv' Zaros, evil bastard that he is."

A quiet voice interrupted. "Scrooge, I think you're drunk enough." It was the pale skinned thing he'd noticed earlier.

"Yur prob'ly right. Me vision's swimming. Still easily fixed, eh?" The lunatic chuckled. "Oi, you in the crowd 'oo shot me earlier, can I borra yer little hand cannon thingy for a sec." Surprisingly the werewolf in question handed the 'hand cannon thingy', or for the sane people a revolver, over quite willingly and proceeded to watch the results with great interest.

The wide-eyed creature spoke again. "I'll pay for you drinks while you're collecting you're stuff. Ok?"

"Thanks Zan." Then he took of his helmet, revealing a face that was almost an encyclopedia of wounds, most of the scars exceptionally faint and eyes that had seen too much in their lifetime. Then he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Shadow had crossed half the distance between them in less than a second, snapped out of his fascination, he was far too late. The corpse fell to the floor lifeless. At which point, two meters away from the corpse, the man who'd shot himself stood up and walked over to the stunned Shadow.

"Pleased to meet you, I'm Scrooge and that sexy thing over there is Zanik." Zanik's glare said everything.

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Author's Note: And that's chapter one. Reviews much appreciated and as it's a crossover between two of my own fics I'm not sure if it should go in the crossovers section.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: No reviews as of yet, the readers – both of you – are reminded that this fic is based upon endings I am considering but have not yet decided upon. Also this fic is still purely for lols, no serious plot is included.

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Scrooge had turned out to be quite an eloquent speaker when sober. Shadow had taken the odd duo back to the warehouse and was currently reclined in a chair as Scrooge explained – at length – the theocracy that his homeworld seemed to revolve around, his wide-eyed friend, whom he'd learnt was a species known as a cave goblin, just nodded with what he said and occasionally added any details he'd missed.

"Which brings us to Bandos, god of war. Bit of a psycho and is a real control freak. On the other hand I owe a lot of my reputation to beating the shit of of him so I suppose I can't complain."

"Hang on. You're talking about these gods of yours as if they interact with you." Shadow said questioningly.

"Well, duh."

"Sorry to tell you this but your gods probably aren't real."

"Have you been paying any attention at all? I beat one of them up personally." Scrooge replied reasonably.

"You may have thought you did but whatever you beat up was probably just a really advanced machine." Shadow explained

"Look I'll prove it to you. Take a swing at me. Go on, hard as you like."

Shadow swung, his fist aimed for Scrooge's chest. It failed to connect, one split-second he'd been mid swing, the next he was drawing his hand back as though the punch had connected. Shadow blinked owlishly and tried again. Same result, it was like a brief moment in time was deleted every time he should have made contact.

"See what I mean? Now try it with that sword of yours."

Seeing how confident Scrooge was Shadow complied swinging his katana in a wide slice which – if it connected – would cut him in half. The blade rebounded millimetres from Scrooge's skin, yet it didn't jar his arm at all. Again it was like a brief moment of time was missing.

"Good now that weapon of yours, the one with the really small crossbow bolts."

"The gun?"

"Yeah, that."

"You sure about this one?"

"Well theoretically it's the same as stopping a cannonball or arrow."

Well if you're sure but I'll only set it to single shot."

"Whatever, just shoot me already."

The gun wheezed lightly. Both stared fascinated as the bullet span, just centimetres from Scrooge before stopping and falling to the floor.

"O...K. That one was pretty cool but I've built a forcefield myself, it proves nothing." Shadow stated.

"In that case behead me. Go on."

"You sure?"

"Would I have said it if I wasn't?"

"It's your funeral." The blade swung. Scrooge's head bounced along the floor as his body began haemorrhaging blood.

"Still don't believe?"

Shadow sighed. "Ok, maybe your gods do exist in your world."

"Well not really, most of them are banished to other planes of existance, the only one's still on Gielnor are Guthix, Brassica and the Pantheon."

"So not this Zamorak you speak so fondly of?"

"Nah, the only major god left is Guthix. Still enough power leaks through from the others."

"I'm sorry but can we leave this topic alone, it's giving me a headache." 

"Sure."

"You up for another round?"

"Naturally."

The clash of blades rung through the dojo once more.

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Author's Note: And that's a wrap, next Holly and Zanik. In other news I remember promising an Alien fic a year ago, sadly it was one of about three fics that were lost before I could upload them when my PC had to be reformattted. The good news is that I'm rewritting it.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: This fic now actually has a plot of sorts, before it was pure comedy value. Hope you few who have me on Author Alert, and thereby the only ones likely to ever read this, enjoy it.

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Scrooge sniffed the air. Smell wasn't a particularly powerful sense for humans but there was no mistaking the electrifying smell of ozone, thick and acrid on the air.

He got up from his chair, drawing a dagger from a sheath at his hip. While the majority of his armoury was elsewhere he did still have a few weapons about the house, even immortality hadn't managed to blunt the adventurer's fighting edge completely.

He'd been around magicians long enough to know the smell of a portal, not a teleport rift, quickly opened and just as quickly closed, a stable rip in the dimensions.

As he took a step towards the door he felt the faintest touch on both sides of his neck.

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Shadow opened the door as silently as possible, cursing to himself. The intel had been sketchy at best, not that Scrooge could be blamed of course but still, he would have preferred something better than 'It was really quiet and really fast.', admittedly Scrooge was being a lot more informative than the other corpses the creature had accumulated. Fifteen drained of blood in broad daylight, including two werewolves and a vampire. Which ruled out a vampire killing spree, no vampire Shadow knew of would drink werewolf blood without another option, apparently the taste was repulsive.

As the door swung open swiftly and noiselessly, Shadow having spent the last minute carefully oiling the hinges.

Behind him came his squad, each hand-picked, veteran fighters reforged under Shadow's training to be some of the most efficient killers on the planet. Shadow's own reply to the remaining Reapers still seeking to realise The Rose's dream.

Scrooge followed up at the rear, the adventurer slow and clumsy when contrasted against the killers he was amongst. He didn't understand any of the hand signals that were quietly passing back and forth the squad and simply didn't comprehend how anything could constitute a threat to them. They had weapons he'd never even dreamed of before he'd walked through the portal, they could move quieter than a dying breather, fight at speeds almost too fast for him too follow.

Shadow on the other hand wasn't quite so confident, something deep in his gut was screaming at him that he was in mortal peril, carefully he unsheathed his katana's, activating his exoskeletal armour – the mechanical suit would enhance his already formidable speed and strength, at least until it ran out of power.

He saw it out of the corner of his eye. Even as he dived aside, yelling.

"Contact!" And then there wasn't even time for thought.

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Shadow backed slowly down the hallway, seeking the more open space of the living room, his blades a blur of steel in front of him as he blocked strikes he was barely even able to see, fighting on almost pure reflex, his body reacting to slight movements faster than his mind could.

Behind him Scrooge was reloading his crossbow, not his trusty bone-adamant cross, a gift from Zanik from way back in his past, and with more than a couple of modifications to it. This crossbow was a runite frame on magic wood. Nothing special, nor were the bolts. So far the steel had done nothing but irritate the humanoid figure they were fighting, the creature moving too quickly to get a good look at it.

When it had struck in the study two of their number had been killed before they'd had time to draw weapons. Three of the squad had moved automatically to take the creature on, head-to-head. The creature had crushed the chest of one of them before the first sword had descended towards it, unfortunately the human wasn't biologically capable of surviving such an injury, nor was the vampire able to survive having it's head plucked from it's shoulders by a strong punch.

The third retreated as Shadow had moved to engage it, the former assassin's katana rebounded off rock like skin. From then on he'd been on the defensive, retreating as his squad did likewise. The fearsome ten – now six – not quite routed but certainly demoralised as their leader held the creature at bay.

Finally Shadow reached the living room. His squad behind him, assorted firepower aimed at the doorway, just waiting for him to move aside.

Shadow blocked one last punch, his katanas visibly warped by the fight, he dived aside, blocking a kick with his blades even as he went for the floor.

Gunfire erupted, the dull snap of Scrooge's crossbow lost in the din. The creature lurched back, the kinetic force of the gunfire pinning it to the wall.

For the first time they got a good look at it and nearly forgot to keep firing. It looked like just an ordinary teenage girl. A bit pale perhaps but that was all.

And it wasn't dying, all the gunfire was doing was preventing it reaching them, despite the teflon coating on the steel rounds the bullets were barely scratching her.

One dropped the M4 and brought up a shotgun, this particular model was an automatic with thirty shells. He emptied the entire magazine into it. All he got for his efforts was a snarl.

Shadow could visibly see his nerve go as he turned to run. There was nothing for it. "Retreat!"

The fear was a hard knot in his stomach, the squad leaving one at a time as their primary firearms ran dry, still managing to maintain some discipline. A fleeing witch handed him both their secondaries, a pair of P90s, along with a handful of magazines.

Shadow signed a thankyou as he went down on one knee to join the three (plus Scrooge) that were left. He put one of the guns on the floor, then fired into the creature, three shot bursts to conserve his ammo. As another fled, the force against it reduced that little bit more, the creature took a step forwards. Outwardly displaying a calm he certainly wasn't feeling, Shadow picked up the second P90.

"Just go!" He ordered the other two. They didn't need telling twice.

As the last of his Blades fled the room, Shadow pulled the triggers of the two guns, his exoskeletal armour giving his arms the strength cope with the recoil.

The creature advanced slowly, the two weapons enough to force it slightly backwards with each step it took. There was a dull click as one gun ran dry. The girl advanced mercilessly, the promise of slow death in her blood red eyes.

Shadow met her gaze, his fear gone now that he knew he was going to die. All that remained was to sell his life as dearly as possible.

There was a sound like silk ripping. The girl's head rolled off her shoulders where Scrooge's longsword had cleaved straight through her neck.

The body collapsed slowly.

Shadow picked his swords back up before throwing them down in disgust. The two blades, which had served him well for almost a decade, were ruined beyond repair.

"Thank you." He said absently to Scrooge, staring at the corpse. "What do you think it was?"

Scrooge opened his mouth to answer when a movement caught his eye. With a quick kick he punted the head to the other side of the room. "Not dead yet." He stated blankly.

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Author's Note: Please R&R


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